Barbie Bakura?
by DracOnyx
Summary: Losing a bet with an Ishtar isn't safe, as Bakura soon realizes when he's forced to do . . . Karaoke? Bring along your tissues and tie yourself to your chair . . . time to embarass the Thief!


Disclaimer – I don't own them, for which they are eternally grateful.

AN – Don't ask where this came from. Honestly, you don't wanna know.

"Marik, I am not getting up there and doing this 'karaoke' bullshit."

"You lost the fucking bet, Bakura, now pay up,"

Said Tomb Robber glared at his fellow spirit, crossing his arms over his chest in an added show of his negation of the suggested action.

"Fuck . . . you," he said.

"In your dreams, you freak," Marik replied. "I've got better things to do with my time."

"Like your dog?" Bakura smirked as the blonde hair seemed to rise up even further, violet eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Okay, asshole . . . if you don't want to do this the nice way . . . you're GOING to pay your loss of that bet." Mahogany eyes narrowed in answer, and Bakura began to rise out of his chair, going for the Ring. Too late, he realized he'd left it at home . . . with Ryou.

"Oh shit," he growled . . . and then found his eyes locked on the business end of a certain gold rod. And unfortunately, not the one usually kept underneath the blonde's pants. Finding himself abruptly in locked inside his own mind, he screamed in outrage . . . but there was very little he could do without the Ring's powers to draw on. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to try his damndest anyway.

Marik smiled predatorily as the mahogany eyes went blank, and tucked the Rod safely back into his back belt look before leaning back to look the thief over.

Really being able to look without those mahogany eyes glaring at him allowed him to see just how . . . feminine Bakura's features really were. Oh was this going to be fun. Next stop for the thief . . . abject humiliation.

First, the hair. Those wild locks simply had to have something done with them. Part of Bakura's very masculine aura was tied up in those spiky locks, and that needed to be dealt with. He brushed his bangs out of his eyes as he tilted his head to one side, considering before he nodded his head. That would work. Too bad he only had rubber bands to work with . . . the thief would kill him if any of his hair got yanked out, but oh well.

Hmmm . . . that long, spiky white hair actually looked good in pigtails. With his hair drawn back from his elfin features, Bakura looked even more feminine than his hikari. Perfect.

But he wanted to empashize that femininity. Makeup would have been nice. Too bad he hadn't had the foresight to actually plan for this.

"Hey, I've never seen a guy sit so still in his life! How'd you do that? I could use that trick on my kids." Violet eyes flicked to the woman standing next to him, meeting laughing blue eyes. Hair that actually had a hint of blonde to it fell over one eye, but what he was more interested in was her makeup.

"It's a very guarded secret," he replied, and smiled slightly. "You wouldn't be any chance be willing to help me humiliate my friend here, would you? He lost a bet and now has to get up and sing something." The blue eyes grew slightly guarded, but was that a glint of mischief he saw growing there? Okay, after this maybe getting to know this woman wasn't too bad an idea . . . she could be amusing to chill with, and he didn't find many females he could say that about.

"Hey, Chris, what's going on?" The slim, willowy brunette that walked up slung an arm across the blonde's shoulders. "Who's the guys?"

"Just someone who needs some help torturing his friend," Chris replied. "Think we should give him a hand, Terri?"

"What's he need?" Chris shrugged.

"I don't know. What do you need?" she asked, looking back at Marik.

"Makeup." Both women laughed, that same mischievous spark growing in the hazel-green eyes of the brunette that was in the blonde's eyes.

"Yeah, we can do that," Terri murmured. The two women settled at the table, chatting amiably with the Egyptian as they handed over what little makeup they had with them over, pointing out details as the blonde worked on his mind-controlled friend.

"There," Marik said, sitting back to admire his handiwork. "That will do, I think." He'd darkened the natural line around the pale thief's eyes, using an earthy eye-shadow to bring out the natural red tints. Deep red lipstick emphasized the paleness of the alabaster skin, and a slight brush of rouge across the cheeks gave just enough color to make him look like he wasn't a walking corpse. He gave the makeup back to the two women . . . and then paused to make sure he got their numbers. They were definitely interesting enough to hang out with at a later date . . . when he was done torturing the thief.

The current act was just winding down . . . and surprisingly enough, the two women he'd just enlisted were heading up to meet the younger man climbing off the stage. He could just barely catch the words 'hikari' and 'bet' being mentioned as they dragged him off . . . probably to embarrass him at something else. Oh yeah, he was going to have to hook up with those two.

Okay, enough thinking about that . . . time to embarrass the thief. He pulled the Rod back out, gesturing with it toward the stage, and watched as Bakura's mind-controlled body weaved through the tables to the prompter to pick out a song. Tapping into the powers of the Millennium Rod, he perused the list through the vacant mahogany eyes, and violet eyes lit up as he spied the perfect one. Just the way to embarrass an overly prideful masculine thief who needed to be taught a lesson.

Music selected, he redirected the thief to the stage, smirking at the cat-calls and wolf whistles being directed his way. Time to let the thief out of the bag, so to speak. He gave just enough control back for Bakura to understand what was going on, and to see out of his own eyes and hear with his own ears . . . and then the music began, and he began to move, and sing.

**_Hi Barbie  
Hi Ken!  
Do you wanna go for a ride?  
Sure Ken!  
Jump In..._**

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!

Marik was pretty sure he was going to die laughing before the first verse even came on. Watching Bakura strut, his head tilting back and forth in time with the music . . . oh gods, it was too much!  
**_I'm a blond bimbo girl, in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly  
You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,  
kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky...  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"_**

Yeah, this was definitely going to go down as major embarrassment for the thief. Directing the pale hands to glide down over the lithe body suggestively, making him bat his eyes like a flirtatious bimbo . . . too much fun. He was pretty sure he was NEVER going to get a chance like this again. Actually, if he survived being sent to the Shadow Realm for this, he would be amazed. Maybe he could talk the Pharaoh into standing up for him this once. It was in a good cause after all.

**_(uu-oooh-u)_**

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)  
  
**_Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, bimbo friend, let us do it again,  
hit the town, fool around, let's go party  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"  
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"  
_**

"I'm already doing that, thief," he chuckled, one part of his mind keeping Bakura moving to the music suggestively. He sensed a presence come in behind him, and turned for a moment to look . . . violet eyes widening as he took in Ryou, Yugi, the Pharaoh, and the rest of the friendship bunch, including his own hikari. Now this was unexpected.

Shoving the Rod under the table, he smiled as they joined him, mouths gaping up at the thief on stage.

"How drunk IS he?" Ryou squeaked. Yugi was trying NOT to giggle . . . his dark had already lost it, collapsing into a chair and howling with laughter. Malik was the only one who didn't look amused.

"Marik, give me the Rod," he said, holding out his hand. Violet eyes met lavender, blinking innocently.

"But, hikari, do you really want me taking that out in public?" he asked.

"NOT THAT ROD YOU ASS!" Malik snarled. "That one can stay in your pants for the rest of eternity at this point, Ra damn it! Give me the Millennium Rod, which I happen to know you're hiding under the table!"

"Just let him finish the song," Marik replied, and Malik grumbled but crossed his arms over his chest, silently consenting to the request.

**_I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation_**

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!  
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)  
Come on Barbie, let's go party!  
(uu-oooh-u)

Oh, I'm having so much fun!  
Well Barbie, we're just getting started  
Oh, I love you Ken!

Before the ending section, Marik released the spell, putting Bakura back in charge of his body . . . and right in the face of a shitload of embarrassment. Served him right.

The thief stalked off the stage, advancing on Marik menacingly, a look of murderous rage on his face . . . until he caught sight of a mirror. He whirled toward the smooth glass, mahogany eyes widening in shock as he spied his hair and the makeup, and then a murderous shout echoed through the bar, cutting through the calls the pale man was still getting from the crowd.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU MARIK!"

Marik got up quickly, handing the Rod to Malik before taking off at a dead sprint. He'd have to beat the hounds of hell to make it home before Bakura caught up with him.

Behind him, a very irate thief was trying to force his way past a still laughing Pharaoh, who was also flirting with the man shamelessly as Bakura threatened to tear his balls off and shove them down his throat. Malik, on the other hand, was over in one corner . . . paying a guy with a videocamera to sell him the tape.

After all, it wasn't every day you saw a three thousand year old spirit pretending to be a Valley Girl in front of a packed bar. He wanted to preserve that image for eternity.


End file.
